Tag Archives: parenting

Margins Really Do Matter

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It’s 8:45am and I’m (surprisingly) perfectly content letting the kids sleep in.

After 17 years in the classroom, I often find it difficult to deviate from my schedule.   We’d normally be finished with Bible and most of History at 8:45.

We’ve been at home almost 2 years now and I’m learning to embrace the flexibility home schooling provides.  We’re diligent and I can justify days like today… days when I’m particularly aware of how important a little white space (as Lysa Terkeurst calls it) is in our lives.  In the hustle and bustle of 2015, I’m more and more convinced that Margins Really Do Matter.

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Our home church hosted The Tabernacle Experience the week before Easter.  It was an amazing event.  Not only did I enjoy every minute of it, I know our community was blessed.  I’m so grateful our family was able to serve!

Monday was the first day I’d been at home more than an hour here and there.  After 10 days of quick ins and outs the house was a mess, the lawn was overgrown, and the laundry was in need of attention.  I’m not sure when the kids showered last and they were super grouchy Monday and Tuesday.   To be perfectly honest with you, I’ve been in a grouchy cleaning frenzy the last 2 days, too.

The house is clean, the laundry’s done… it’s time to rest.

I’m in the middle of Lysa Terkerurst’s book  Unglued.  She addresses this subject arguing, “The Bible makes it very clear that we are to pursue rest.  We are to hit the pause button on life once a week and guard our rest.  Guard it fiercely.  Guard it intentionally.  Guard it even if our schedules beg us not to.” She sums up her thoughts with a simple, “Where there is a lack of rest, there is an abundance of stress.”

Our Senior Pastor finished a series last month on Spiritual Disciplines.  Don comes from a printing background and explained the idea of rest in a unique way.  He spoke of margins on a page as being important to visually make sense of the text.  If every bit of white space on a page were printed on, the message would be lost.

These encouragements to rest have begged a powerful examination of my life.  Do I allow for some white space in my days?  Do I take time to process in such a way that I daily 1) worship and seek The Lord, 2) remember the beauty of these precious days with my family, 3) and build relationships with those around me?

Pastor Don used another powerful example of “margins” in our life.

Consider the traffic flow of a busy intersection.  The yellow light imposes “margin” that prevents accidents.  However, when we use every second of the green and yellow lights and a tiny bit of the red and the other drivers at the same intersection do as well, accidents will surely happen.

If you’re anything like me, you use all of the “green”, all of the “yellow” and a tiny bit of the “red” in your life as well.  I believe I’ll take today to hit the brakes and enjoy the scenery.  I hope you will as well.

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Consequences Really Do Matter

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Some weeks are just more difficult than others.

Bailey (a freshman at our local university) often comes home several hours after Franklin and I have gone to bed.   Late one night a couple weeks ago he hit our house as he pulled into the garage.  There was quite a bit of damage to the garage frame and the garage door stripping.

That same week our youngest was invited to our babysitter’s house to work for a little bit of spending money.  When Franklin and I explained that he should save some of his money rather than making a spur of the moment trip to Walmart, Caden threw a fit.  His money was burning the proverbial hole in his pocket.  He was obviously in need of a nap and a wee bit of behavior modification.

As we considered each situation a teachable moment, we were certainly reminded that Consequences Really Do Matter.

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Sometimes it’s painful to watch children as they wrestle with consequences.

As a teacher, I did not delight in a child missing recess; however, I knew that I would not have to say, “You played during work time so you’ll need to work during play time,” too many times before the child made better decisions about time management.

In my final years of public education, I met many parents who were unwilling to allow consequences of any kind.   It was difficult for some to understand that the sting of natural consequences for a child’s minor infractions would be preferable to their child never learning self-control.  Ultimately, consequences of childhood misbehavior pale in comparison to  consequences adults deal with when the offense is more significant.

Growing up I loved the movie The Parent Trap.  I am a twin and I was drawn to the main characters, a set of twin, “tween” girls.  Although they were separated as babies and were never told of the other’s existence, the girls put two and two together at summer camp after several weeks of all out war with each other.

Miss Inch, the camp director, became exasperated with the girls’ constant fighting.  She decided to “let the punishment fit the crime” and put the girls alone in a cabin to spend the rest of the summer together.

Back to our sons.  Bailey had to learn that personal property requires care and attention.  We let him fix our garage frame and stripping, paying for the necessary materials and supplies with his own money.

Caden had to learn that saving some of his money is important.  We collected all of his money and held it for a while in an effort to show him that 1) Wal-Mart on a whim is a want, not a need and 2) saving (rather than blowing every penny on junk) allows you to purchase something of greater value down the road.

How do you use teachable moments in parenting?  Have you found great ways to “let the punishment fit the crime?”