Research in child development has long pointed to the significance grandparents play in a child’s cognitive, behavioral, and social development. Anthropologist Margaret Mead studied inter-generational relationships and found that 1) connections between generations impact mental health, 2) the best learning is inter-generational, and 3) inter-generational relationships bring out the best in human behavior.
I was fortunate to know all of my grandparents. I lost them before I turned 30, but I have beautiful memories of their love and attention. Had I not known my grandparents I would likely never have:
- Spent weekends camping in a fifth wheel
- Floated down a cold, freshwater stream
- Ridden on a passenger train through mountain terrain
- Fed cows before sunrise
- Killed and recycled every part of a rattlesnake
- Made a fort out of bales in a hay barn, or
- Swam in a mossy stock tank
While relationships are not always what they could be, in the lives of children in general, Grandparents Really Do Matter.
This week was particularly stressful. A get-a-way turned ugly when our daughter was involved in an accident at the Albuquerque zoo. I was grateful for compassionate medical care. I was also EXTREMELY grateful for my mom and mother-in-law.
I had neglected to take our medical and prescription insurance cards on our trip. My moms made several trips to our house to get the information we needed. We also knew our moms were on their knees, praying for Emma. The only times Emma asked to use my phone were for calls to her Mimi and Grammars.
My husband and I rely on our moms daily. We live in the same small town, talk or text with them daily, and see them several times a week. They both make meals for us and our children expect to be allowed to spend time alone with them every week.
Grandparents who are actively involved in their adult children’s lives add much to the extended family. Not only is it comforting to know that our moms love and care about our children, but grandparents often help their adult children by providing:
- wisdom in child rearing
- babysitting
- financial support
- emotional stability
As significant as the relationship between the grandparents and their adult children, the relationship between actively involved grandparents and their grandchildren is truly special. Research indicates that children with strong ties to grandparents feel uniquely special, have higher self-esteems, and have more fully developed emotional and social skills than children without grandparents.
The role of “grandparent” is different than the role of “parent” in many ways. Because their focus is not discipline, children see grandparents as freely offering unconditional love. Grandparents can be role models, mentors, confidants, and playmates in a relationship that is often less complex than the parent child relationship.
Grandparents know the value of time and the importance of being fully connected. Grandparents tend to be less hurried and more relaxed than parents, engage more completely in their grand-children’s interests, and are often more giving of their time and complete attention.
While our children love their grandmothers in a very special way, they often mention “missing” their Papas. Our oldest son, Bailey, has memories of each, but Emma turned 4 the year they passed and Caden was born the day after my father-in-law’s funeral. Caden was 9 months when my dad died and does not “remember” him. But the idea of grandfathers and the sense of void in their lives is enough to elicit tears on a fairly regular basis.
Please join the conversation. In what ways do grandparents add to the lives of your children and how might less-than-ideal inter-generational relationships be strengthened?
For more from Marea, check out Me and Thee Studios’ faith based leveled readers for 1st-2nd graders at http://www.meandtheestudios.com/early-reader-collection.html.