Category Archives: Parenting

Grandparents Really Do Matter

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Research in child development has long pointed to the significance grandparents play in a child’s cognitive, behavioral, and social development.  Anthropologist Margaret Mead studied inter-generational relationships and found that 1) connections between generations impact mental health, 2) the best learning is inter-generational, and 3) inter-generational relationships bring out the best in human behavior.

I was fortunate to know all of my grandparents.  I lost them before I turned 30, but I have beautiful memories of their love and attention.  Had I not known my grandparents I would likely never have:

  • Spent weekends camping in a fifth wheel
  • Floated down a cold, freshwater stream
  • Ridden on a passenger train through mountain terrain
  • Fed cows before sunrise
  • Killed and recycled every part of a rattlesnake
  • Made a fort out of bales in a hay barn, or
  • Swam in a mossy stock tank

While relationships are not always what they could be, in the lives of children in general, Grandparents Really Do Matter.

grandparents

This week was particularly stressful.  A get-a-way turned ugly when our daughter was involved in an accident at the Albuquerque zoo.  I was grateful for compassionate medical care.  I was also EXTREMELY grateful for my mom and mother-in-law.

I had neglected to take our medical and prescription insurance cards on our trip.  My moms made several trips to our house to get the information we needed.  We also knew our moms were on their knees, praying for Emma.  The only times Emma asked to use my phone were for calls to her Mimi and Grammars.

My husband and I rely on our moms daily.  We live in the same small town, talk or text with them daily, and see them several times a week.  They both make meals for us and our children expect to be allowed to spend time alone with them every week.

Grandparents who are actively involved in their adult children’s lives add much to the extended family.  Not only is it comforting to know that our moms love and care about our children, but grandparents often help their adult children by providing:

  • wisdom in child rearing
  • babysitting
  • financial support
  • emotional stability

As significant as the relationship between the grandparents and their adult children, the relationship between actively involved grandparents and their grandchildren is truly special.  Research indicates that children with strong ties to grandparents feel uniquely special, have higher self-esteems, and have more fully developed emotional and social skills than children without grandparents.

The role of “grandparent” is different than the role of “parent” in many ways.  Because their focus is not discipline, children see grandparents as freely offering unconditional love.  Grandparents can be role models, mentors, confidants, and playmates in a relationship that is often less complex than the parent child relationship.

Grandparents know the value of time and the importance of being fully connected.  Grandparents tend to be less hurried and more relaxed than parents, engage more completely in their grand-children’s interests, and are often more giving of their time and complete attention.

While our children love their grandmothers in a very special way, they often mention “missing” their Papas.  Our oldest son, Bailey, has memories of each, but Emma turned 4 the year they passed and Caden was born the day after my father-in-law’s funeral.  Caden was 9 months when my dad died and does not “remember” him.  But the idea of grandfathers and the sense of void in their lives is enough to elicit tears on a fairly regular basis.

Please join the conversation.  In what ways do grandparents add to the lives of your children and how might less-than-ideal inter-generational relationships be strengthened?

For more from Marea, check out Me and Thee Studios’ faith based leveled readers for 1st-2nd graders at http://www.meandtheestudios.com/early-reader-collection.html.

Praise Really Does Matter

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As I watched the students in my classroom mentally wrestle with a problem, I studied their eyes, body language, and mouths as they talked a problem through.  It became easy to identify their approach to a problem and often, their self-esteem was just as easy to assess.

While there are a multitude of variables that affect a child’s self-esteem, let’s consider a healthy child of “average” ability.  If this student is a confident learner he typically:

  • Is eager to learn
  • Is interested when given an engaging activity
  • Is thoughtful and persistent when solving problems
  • Takes risks

Let’s consider the same healthy child of “average” ability.  If this student is insecure and dubious about his abilities he often:

  • Avoids school work
  • Day dreams
  • Copies off peers
  • Appeals for help before attempting the work independently
  • Cries or is obviously frustrated when encouraged to participate

A child who doubts himself and believes that he is unable has likely been told, either directly or indirectly, that he can’t.  If he doesn’t believe that his best effort is good enough, he will often stop trying rather than risk missing the mark.

Over the years, I learned to harness the power of praise in my classroom.  Praise, when sincere and specific, is powerful.  Constant criticism is detrimental.  You will see a more motivated and eager learner if you are able to assure a child that 1) you care about her learning, 2) you notice her efforts, and 3) you believe she is capable.  Praise Really Does Matter.

clapping

As a teacher in a classroom (and as a parent and teacher in our home) I have found that children are most receptive to my teaching after I’ve carefully and thoughtfully given powerful praise.

Powerful praise is descriptive. It focuses on the accomplishment and specific observations. The end result is a confident learner who feels safe taking-risks.

Powerful praise is not:

  • Untrue, unrealistic, or insincere (You are the best!  There’s not another 10 year old who can do that!)
  • Based on attributes (You’re so pretty.  You’re so smart.)
  • Based on the outcome (This grade is prefect!  You made 10 points in the game!)

Effective praise (remember that it is descriptive and focuses on accomplishment and observations) might sound something like this;

  • I noticed that you got your mouth ready for the word chimp.  You started the word by saying the sound “ch”.  Good readers do that, they get their mouth ready when they come to a tricky spot.
  • You said chimp, but I could tell you weren’t sure chimp was right so you reread the sentence to make sure.  Good readers do that, they reread the sentence when it doesn’t quite make sense.
  • I noticed that you got the dictionary out when you came to a word you did not know.  What did you learn from the dictionary that helped you better understand your reading?
  • I noticed that you broke down the boxes in the cardboard recycling bin this week.  That’s going to make it so much easier when we take the recycling next week.
  • When I walked into your room last night I could tell that you had taken extra time to straighten your closet.  I appreciate that the clean clothes are put away.  That’s going to lighten our laundry load this weekend.

In thinking about the power of praise, my thoughts have turned to my daughter.  This is our first year to home school and while Emma is doing well, she and I have shed some tears over math.  Emma is not as careful in computation as I would like and I nit-pick each and every detail.  I’m going to hold myself to my advice and find 2-3 praise points in Emma’s math practice every day before addressing an error.

Join the conversation below by sharing an example of powerful praise and the difference it made in your life.

For more from Marea, check out Me and Thee Studios’ faith based leveled readers for 1st-2nd graders at http://www.meandtheestudios.com/early-reader-collection.html.